Self-Sabotage: Are We Creating our Own Obstacles?

Examining Limiting Behaviors in Mental Health Awareness Month 

By: Yanyn San Luis

May is National Mental Health Awareness Month—a month dedicated to raising awareness and fighting the stigma associated with mental health. As one of our country’s most devastating pandemics, millions of Americas live with some form of mental illness. This month helps bring focus onto the tools, resources, and education needed to advocate for better policies that support those suffering, as well as their families.

The issue of mental health has had a stigma attached to it for decades. It is difficult for those going through it to talk about, and difficult for those who aren’t to understand, creating a feeling of isolation. As such (and with the devastating mental health issues associated with the COVID-19 pandemic), I cannot think of better theme than that chosen for 2021 — “You Are Not Alone.”

The good news? People are finally talking about mental health, not only privately, but publicly. More organizations are providing additional support through work-related programs and funding. With positive mental health, we are better equipped to face challenges, handle stress, increase productivity, and realize our full potential. With negative mental health, we are often standing in our own way, but cannot “see the forest through the trees.”

As I thought about these impacts, I couldn’t help but also think about the self-sabotage that is so prevalent among professionals especially. Self-sabotage encompasses the behaviors that consciously or, more often, subconsciously prevent us from taking steps forward, create obstacles in our day-to-day lives, and ultimately preclude us from reaching our goals. Most people are guilty of these harmful behaviors, to some extent, yet generally are not even aware of it. Think about procrastination, self-medication, inhibiting attitudes, and other unhealthy habits. These often have a foundation in self-sabotage.

Eventually, these distorted beliefs build enough so that we begin underestimating our capabilities and strengths, suppressing our true feelings, and even lashing out at others. We suddenly see obstacles that were not there a moment before. Instead of pushing forward, seizing new opportunities, and relentlessly pursuing our goals, we hesitate.

Whatever the reason behind it, self-sabotage has some basis in fear. You know that pesky emotion that is there to protect us? It’s telling us to stop where we are because we don’t know what’s on the other side. The unknown can be scary, and so fear tells us to wait in the shadows where there is some comfort.

Some fear is perfectly acceptable, and needed, in our lives. However, when it stops us from doing what we want to do, it’s manifesting itself as self-sabotage. Simply, it is no longer protecting us, it’s harming us.

Common Self-Sabotaging Scenarios

While there are various situations that lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, there are some that are more common than others. For example, you’re a high achiever at work and could never imagine saying no to your boss because you are overly adaptable. And while it is a nice thought to try to please everyone, including your boss, at what cost are you doing so? Not setting any boundaries in work, or otherwise, will lead to burnout and stress—key indicators for self-sabotage.

Another scenario is for the perfectionists out there. Contrary to popular belief, “perfect” is not so “perfect” after all. Perfectionism can easily be self-sabotage in disguise when your standards become increasingly unattainable. You are never done because the project has to be perfect. And you stress over every detail and possible scenario to make it so. Now, I am not saying to hand over a document to your boss or colleagues filled with errors. But I am saying there comes a point when you have to accept that it may not be perfect … and that’s okay. The time you are stressing over every tiny detail is time that you could be moving on to your next challenge.

Another situation includes feeling unqualified or not as good as someone else. Some call this the “imposter syndrome.” You know the drill, no matter how much praise you get or how satisfied you feel, it’s usually temporary because that sneaky inside voice tells you you’re a fraud and someone is going to find out you’re just not as good as everything thinks.

When these scenarios occur in a work environment, good leaders will recognize them not only in themselves, but in their team members. Leaders understand that productivity is directly tied to their team. They don’t want team members burning out or not reaching their full potential because of self-sabotage.

Tips to Stop Self-Sabotaging Ourselves

In order to effectively cease any behavior, we must first understand what it is and acknowledge how it is affecting us. Once we do, there are a number of ways to help stop going down the self-sabotaging road filled with its potholes and obstacles. Here are a few tips to get back on the road to success:

• Self-Reflect. Only when we dive deep within ourselves can we break the surface with clarity and a fresh perspective.
• Look at your habits. What connections are there to underlying thoughts and feelings when we engage in those habits?
• Find your true inner voice and listen to it. This is the one that knows us best, the one that knows what we really want. With self-sabotage, it is silenced by the other voice that makes us feel less than capable of taking the next step, disguising in a number of limiting behaviors.
• Make small, but meaningful changes to your daily routine. For example, if we are sabotaging our career or business by procrastinating to the point of missing deadlines, we must find something that can change the behavior. Set more automatic reminders or “award” ourselves with a healthy habit when we complete a task prior to the deadline.
• Set boundaries. Not doing so leads directly to stress, burnout, and self-sabotage.
• Don’t compare yourself to anyone. Each of our lives is our own. There is nothing to compare.
• Forgive yourself. The project may not be perfect, we may feel uncomfortable saying no to our bosses, but that’s okay.

Essentially, with self-sabotage, our conscious minds, with its rational thoughts, and our subconscious minds, with its irrational thoughts, are at odds. The goal with defeating self-sabotaging instincts and behaviors is to get them in alignment by reconnecting with our core values and goals.

This is not about individuals alone, employers, board of directors, and human resource professionals must identify and resolve issues of stress, burnout, self-sabotage, and mental health awareness within their organizations. True leaders will listen to, and acknowledge the feelings of, their team members.

There is no doubt about it – our work can fulfill us, and it should! It gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment. And when who we are is in alignment with what we do, there is no greater sense of success. Yet, we tend to allow work and familial responsibilities to take over, causing stress, burnout, and increasing self-sabotaging behaviors. Mindfulness is key. Ask yourself, “Are my thoughts and feelings intensifying or minimizing my stress?” If it’s not the latter, it’s time to make some changes.

For more information about self-sabotage and its effects on you, and your organization, please reach out to our team at hello@thewinwoman.com. For information about mental health and mental health awareness month, please visit Mental Health America, MentalHealth.gov, or National Institute of Mental Health.

Until next time, keep Building Your BADASSERY.